Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Death and taxes

The one thing I know for sure,
life never goes to plan.
I planned
to have the day off.
to sit in beautiful silence,
to spin
to knit
to create in lonesome bliss
I planned.

I have a tenancy to laugh at the
I-will-never's
of others
whilst simultaneously planning
days that will never go as planned.

The baby cries,
humanity is frail,
The unexpected,
rapidly breeding frustration.

The unplanned reality
Expectation defined is
Fragility.

Intentions shatter.

The haughty will be silenced in the end.


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Lately I think in poems...
then when i am done my thoughts and feelings have taken form and sorted themselves.

   It's  been two weeks of what feels like the season of chaos unfolding. I was actually really looking forward to my day off before, get this, ANOTHER FOUR DAY WEEKEND! My kids don't DO interruptions in schedule very well, they get antsy, and clingy, and grumpy. Then they suck the barely there emotional life right out of me! They are great kids, but there is A LOT of personality in those tiny packages, so a lot of active and engaged parenting is happening, so they LEARN to be great adults. Just as they are learning to be kind responsible adults, I am learning how to teach them, and survive without a total meltdown! I wouldn't mind a meltdown so much, but I really just don't have time, our parents aren't just down the street to take my kids while I HAVE that breakdown, we are without a village, at time i feel like i'm living in exile(but that thought for another day). There isn't someone who can take my kids for a week while I recharge work on my issues, or even regularly, so I don't get to a point where I'm dropping F bombs like its the Blitz,  because in all honesty that's what happens when I'm stressed, i sound like a drunken sailor!!
I have to be really careful with myself, if you will allow, an automotive paralel... I have to make sure I have gas in my tank and be regular with maintenance because there is no foreseeable repair shop in my future, and i'm not a new car either! I've been in a few accidents, there is 30 years of wear and tear, and trauma, and miles!

 OH! and why is it that people who have never parented a day in their life post all of their "experts say_______ will hugely damage your kids for life" (please excuse me as I wait quietly for you to enjoy your little bundle of unpredictability... just a heads up, I've never met a judgemental non parent who hasn't wound up having to deal with the realities of Colic, learning differences like ADHD or autism(that they knew how to "prevent" so well pre-kid), adventurous/dangerous kids, or just little undisciplined horrors as a result of their ever so brilliant parenting methods... *insert devilish laugh*)

I digress...often

So I was really looking forward to my alone time, I need a recharge day so I can have the energy to parent well from a rested nurtured heart.
  Come to this morning, I haven't even had my breakfast shake yet  and Adeline comes out crying, "my throat hurts and today is my favorite day, gym and library"(way to be a combination of mum and dad, kid!)
And Just like that my day is in the toilet.
I will have to figure out how to work with less than ideal,
that's life.

In short, don't count your chickens before they have hatched, Don't pretend to be an expert on a land you have never lived in, and DON'T judge what you don't know.
Yeah, I know its all the same thing.
basically
be nice... and shut up.
(dies laughing)
I  know I'm sassy today, but I'm also spent, and trying not to panic/dread the season of solo parenting that is quickly coming upon me... send prayers and a nanny!


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