My kid's summer focus seems to be learning to care for themselves, whilst mine seems, as always, to learn to let things go and focus on what I have tried to care for but have neglected these last few months, my sanity, my creative interests, and my ability to be in the moment. It Never feels the right time, I hear myself saying "after the testing season ends" after the end of the school year is over, the end of the year is so busy" "after this trip, I have to get tings ready to go or they just won't get done", while all this may be true I always end up at the same place in the end, physically in pain, emotionally exhausted, anxiety ridden. this 24/7 job is so overwhelming to me, I have alway been someone who strives for excellence, and tries to focus on doing the best job possible. I'm not a perfectionist, but I do have high standards.
I'm going to be honest, for a person with ADHD this is like swimming in the whirlpool laden sea that is my mind... and somedays are worse than others.
When your Job is caring for individuals, who are by nature creatively messy, and and need regular scheduled feedings, clothes that fit, and raising, all around a fluctuating schedule that is sometimes rigid and sometimes free flowing(for them not so much me). Its easy to get caught up in being the anchor during every transition, emotional fluctuation, and really any glitch that "needs my attention"... you guys I only have so much attention(Its called an attention deficit)!
and though I am proud of how much progress I am making in the care of myself I start to see the signs that I'm still not where I need to be, I still struggle in taking rest, in prioritising my things regularly, I am not a consistent block in my daily planner yet, thats the hardest thing ever!!
I am trying to add back in to my life the things that I value so deeply, as a mum and as a person, when I put down all the balls I was juggling I found a few that I had dropped that I really valued, like reading to my kids, jaime has taken that over for the most part, and while I love that I really missed sitting and being still with them, its one of the few ways I CAN be still. Taking walks as a family. Oh, and my creative endeavours are still being added back, I started knitting a sweater for myself because I haven't done that since my weight loss 2 years ago, and spinning, maybe when the kids go back to school I will start dying again and them there is some sculptural projects I wanted to work on as well as a weaving that I started just barely, make some simple quilts for our beds... the list could go on forever.
I'm trying to encourage the kids to stretch themselves creatively tooknd make time to make, instead of getting caught up in what everyone else is doing, and toys, and tv shows, have them explore their likes, strengths, and ideas.
In short, we are learning to care for ourselves and each other, being honest about our limitations, and learning to be choosy about the things we put on our to-do list. We are learning to see our achievements and be proud of where we are while still trying to improve, we are trying to learn to be kind to ourselves, take quality rest, and enjoy this time when we are all together, because they won't be little forever, there will only be a few summers we will have together.