Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Just sit still

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Its funny the lesson you learn when your quiet, sitting still. Last spring I was really praying about things, and where God wanted me to go with my life, I didn't know what direction to go it, and while I was wearily praying in my heart was "be still". Every time I  opened the Bible a verse about stopping and setting time to be alone, making the best choices, or not busying our self with trivial things seemed to be the general theme. In short this year I have no solid commitments, no clubs, there are no stones in my calendar.
 This year my ears are open, I'm focused on family, home, and my physical and emotional health. This year I'm available, my schedule is staying rather empty but somehow I have found myself rather busy. Errands, keeping up with the housework(so tempted to chuck it all in the bin or the basement) I have found that a large part of my "busy" was in my head, the idea that I shouldn't do what I want to do until everything else is finished is a huge part of my problem. This idea puts things my heart needs on the bottom of a list, it tells me I'm not important enough to have space in my day.
 It wasnt until I had two random anxiety attacks in one week that I sat still, properly still, and let my mind rest.
I got to chew over some things that I hadn't taken the time to think about.
I started working at my loom again on a table runner.
I picked up my knitting.
I sat at my spinning wheel and spun.
I made soup. 
I drank tea.
I picked up a book.
I realized that these desires were put in my heart for a reason, and though I don't know why this passion or desire to create was given to me, I need to trust that God knows what plans he has for my heart's desires, and he also knows the areas that I need to improve and grow to get to the place where he can use those desires he has placed in me. God sees the big picture even though I don't, and its my job to follow him and see where he leads me. I dont know how he will use me, I still have a lot of life to live, but even if my need to create is just so I have the heart to understand and encourage that desire in someone else, that longing is important. The same things go for my weaknesses, when I learn to fight fear, pride, selfishness, depression, anxiety, I become stronger, I can encourage others in their own struggles, I become an overcomer and less of a victim.
When I take time and sit still, I give myself a chance to breath, grow, learn, and receive whatever I'm going to need for the "big picture".
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a little blurb of a midweek vlog thought
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