Wednesday, February 8, 2017

And the next moment...

Its not like I'm laying around weeping all day long. I'm not.  I'm still quite happy and chatty and rather good natured. I don't think I have been retreating more than usual or been particularly upset with anyone. (That being said my capacity for nonsense is pretty much gone, if you don't want my honest opinion, or you want me to fluff the answer, just stop right where you are, because tickling peoples ears was the first emotionally exhausting habit I dropped. I am by nature a very forward person, saying things gently is a learned quality, and I find it exhausting twisting my words as not to offend the hyper sensitive.)
My days lately have actually been quite calm and easy. The babes are getting bigger, we can do fun stuff together, we go on family runs now! It is really cool to be able to hang out and chill and talk to each other, I like the tight knit clan that we have formed. I like that when things get hard we cling to the hurting. I feel as thought my family has given me a lot of grace. Ive cut back a lot on commitments, focusing on what i feel called to do and what i love to do, i started singing on our bible study worship team and feel so blessed by the ladies that i get to serve with, their kindness is real and contagious. I've really been (despite the book) been enjoying the bible study I've been in too, it's a really small group but spending time with the ladies in there has been just lovely.
I have finally picked my knitting and spinning up after a rater long hiatus. Slowly I am getting back to myself. Right now (as of December)I am taking a lot of respite in physical activity, it feels good to move, when I sit still I over think everything and anything, and I really don't want to do that... I really like the peace that comes when I focus only on moving my body. I have always enjoyed working out but in this season(both literal and emotional) I find the quiet an absolute necessity. Im really looking forward to the spring where I can get out of the gym and back to nature.

Its a fine line of balancing, grief and gratitude, self care and caring for others, holding on and letting things go. I'm in a season of relearning a new normal, what I can handle and what I should handle.

Apparently the last day of my 20s will be spent deep in thought.


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