Saturday, February 27, 2016
Thoughts coming through an aching head
I know I have been really absent from here, its really hard for me to carve out time on my computer, desktops are sedentary and children are not. I'm really working on taking care of me so hopefully as i get better at that I will get to blog a bit more I think we are all trying to figure out how to manage whatever stage in life we find our self. I've been realising that in the baby faze that is almost fully ended for me I lost myself a bit because as my children need me less i have realised how much i have neglected myself fully immersing myself in being "mum". while they were little and really needed that from me. but time has passed, things change.
I'm no longer a stay at home mum of one adventurous little bear, living in the suburbs with a garden and full control of her schedule. I'm a stay at home mum with one extremely extroverted child at home and an introverted child in school, who lives in a city in a country that is not her home, I am no longer the baby wearing, nursing, co sleeping, crunchy mum I used to be, my children aren't on my body all the time, they are independent of me in some ways and more in need of guidance and someone to help them navigate, not carry them through. I'm navigating new waters in an uncomfortable place. I'm learning how to live in a city, when I feel most at home in the woods or in a garden with my barefoot in the grass and hands in the dirt. I learning how to still document my life with my kids but still respect their privacy and personal space as an individual. I'm learning to document my life with them. having to figure out who I am apart from just "mum" because the realization that in September of 2017 I will have two kids at school terrifies me, not because I fear for them, I fully trust God to protect them at school, but that my identity started to become what type of mum I am, instead of mothering being a PART of my identity. I think we as mummas all become susceptible to to this, what we do isn't who we are, just a part of our unique selves.
I feel like I am recalibrating how I see myself, This place won't be the same place it used to be. Our family adventures will still be here but more crafty talk will be here too. Maybe even some videos, music talk etc. maybe this kids will do a few guest blogs, I really don't know. I do know that I love this blog, I love writing, I love my time here, weather of not anyone reads it. I have 0 desire to be famous, I love my little life and little blog and the lack of criticism of my tiny world of friends that I have made. so be warned this place will change, just like I am. hopefully more time will be invested into this place, but as of right now you get the sporadic little me popping in for a hello in between school runs, house tidying, Book reading, Bible study, story time, play dates, and the gym... and I'm going to let myself be okay with that.