The worst part is that I chose to be here, I wasn't pushed out of a plane, I jumped, but now that I am how do I get out?
Thats how I feel lately, I just want to chill out with my kids get my chores done and still have time to revel in the beauties of spring, and spend time with a friend. I like my slow homy pace, my quiet, being alone and having time to do what I really feel like God is leading me to do instead of "being helpful", going along with to____, making commitments with my time because "hey we need your help of talents.(At this point I should say that there is a little voice in my head saying "maybe there is someone with similar talents who actually SHOULD be doing this instead of you and aren't because your doing it our of obligation"...OUCH!)
With the way our life is with Jake's job, our time is unpredictable, so I have shied away from making commitments, and this does leave me feeling a bit guilt ridden and sometimes that guilt tears down the boundaries that protect the my peace.
One of the many great things about my mother in law coming was I had a bit of time to think and observe myself, I was walking home by myself and there was a time for a little clarity, to see what stressed and drained me of my peace and patience and emotional understanding. I realized, honestly, I love spending time with my family and my friends. I love making things to bless them. I love taking time showing love to the unloved or under loved. I love being a good neighbor, inviting people into my home, and reminding them that God made them amazing and beautiful... Basically being who I KNOW God has called me to be, someone who loves and encourages.
I've also realized that scheduling or committing to things I KNOW I don't feel called to, regardless how noble or good the cause may be, stresses me out! It takes away from the emotional storehouses, felling trapped and exhausted, until I am too emotionally spent to be who I am supposed to be. In attempts to recharge I "hermit" to simply have the energy to take decent care of my family, with whom I am tired snippy and moody, saying yes to what I should have said no to leaves me unable to be myself or to fulfill the things my soul longs to do.
Very soon not only will I be spring cleaning my home but also spring cleaning my time, taking away the clutter and frustration and giving room to the Joy and Peace. This will take time, It will be difficult to let those things go there maybe a little heartbreak along the way, but in the end I'll have a lot less, but a lot more peace.
My friends, I encourage you to take time to look inward (or outward) and see if there are some things you may need to purge from your life, more isn't always better, it can take away our space to be who we are, wether it be a commitment or those shoes you don't really wear that take up room in your closet, do you need it, or is it taking up room where a new thing could grow?