|Rare moment when my big boy is sleepy enough to cuddle!|
|crawling, scaling, peeking and, the face she gets when she finds her brother|
|Finally made another one!! The left was a wedding present from an old neighbor the right is one i made this week, Mrs Mc'Burnie's has been my favorite potholder/trivet for the last eight years!|
|tried my hand at spindle making, they work alright but i may need more practice/testing a few more ideas|
Earlier this week(I believe it was monday night) I made a decision.
After feeling overwhemled and exhausted I re-evaluated my situation, my triggars, where my time is being wasted and what I can't give up and what I want to give up but can't... I feel like I'm being sucked in. You see I'm adhd, not really a problem as I have always been this way, but it is something that has to be dealt with and now as an adult I monitor these things myself.
Being ADHD I tend to not focus very well or Hyper focus, I get sucked into whatever I am doing and usually don't notice or hear what is going on around me, like tunnel vision, once I hyper-focus on something to break my focus makes it very hard to keep focus throughout the day and I get easily overwhelmed and frustrated because my brain is juggling and jumbling about 20 different things and trying to remember what I'm doing at that moment, this is not very fun, and when I moniter myself and keep my trigers out of the way or catch myself before I get hyper focused I'm fine and with the help of caffeine to slow my mind down a bit I can function without medication.
Not many things have the power to get me hyper focused, books, computer/phone/internet, television... those are the big ones and I had 2/3 under control, we don't have TV and I read during nap time and keep the reading material calm and easy( nothing dramatic), SO why have I beenso overwhelmed lately!?!
Its a combination of all of my triggars and for two days"catching up" from a week off of it my brain was a blob of zombie induced, short fuzed, guilt driven, frusteration. I swear I see myself from above, two beautiful children, playing from above and me spiral eyed staring at a little box, trying to disconect myself, missing everything... I hate it so much I have asked my husband to cancel my phone, stupid contract, not to mention I need to have a phone incase of emergencies because we cant get a house phone in this place and I'm a Mum... I'm sick of it, sick of getting a text or a call and checking all the lovely time wasters and missing what's in front of me. This happens every now and again I start to build a habit, a computer habit, a phone habit, a just one more show habit, then I will realize and be fine for a few months, its a cycle, not one I'm pleased with... I'm FED UP!
I have given myself a rule, not too difficult, I have done it before as a fast when Jaime was little, no electronics during daylight hours, I loved it! I am loving it!
I use my phone as just a phone, and keep of all apps and gadgets until after the sun sets.
I have focus.
My creativity is thriving.
I am ENJOYING my kids.
I feel calm, clear, level headed and pretty proud of myself for making a right choice... "It's all about choices!" a friend used to tell me, and I'm happy to be making this choice!
PS: this weeks Portraits are up!!