Monday, September 12, 2011

Mornings


 As often as I tried I just couldn't get anything right, and everything  was going wrong... I've been thrown off, my rhythm, non existent, as usual when everyone is transitioned mum has to transitions... i couldn't figure what was going on, why am I so off!???
WHY!!??

 Its been a rough week, more than once I felt like a failure, yelling, spastic, numb, not myself at all. I know this feeling , I know that it leads to. I fight a constant battle with depression, have for a long time, longer than most my age, and it may sound silly but, I see the warning signs now i know my triggers. I know that if I don't change things right now and keep going on this path I'll fall in and down, fast... i don't want this, so to prayer i go "God I'm exhausted feeling under appreciated and worn, fix this fix me, open my eyes to what needs to change" then I sit quietly and listen, it isn't a booming voice, its a whisper, a thought brought to my mind, a remembrance "when does it start to go bad?"  "I was fine here and here, whats different now, the only big difference is..."  Then as I thought my eyes opened,
My Mornings!
I was getting up at 5, waking Jaime at 6 getting him dressed to bring Jake to work at 630, rushing about to get ready for the gym, being exhausted and frazzled by 11 when my not-napping-three-year-old needs a nap but wont take one and hasn't had a moment of peace.

We need our morning that's no way for Jaim and I to start our day, we were both so, well, off... we needed our slow morning waking up, having my quiet time for prayer and meditation and time to spent Alone with God,  Bear wakes with a cuddle and a few Bible stories, watching the sun rise while our morning playlist peacefully sings us awake, having our tea, a slow breakfast! We needed our mornings back!!
Jake took himself to work, he's going to bring the car back with his early lunch so we can still go to the gym. It has made a world of difference, the peace is back, it's gone seamlessly...
We just needed our mornings back, to start our day in peace!
When daddy is home he reads Jaim his Bible in the morning
 Its going to me All Right, I'm  going to be All right!

3 comments:

  1. That's awesome that you figured out what was wrong and missing. I hope getting back your slow mornings helps you! I know that feeling all too well and it really is the pits.

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  2. What a beautiful post! I popped over from Attic24, not sure why... I guess I had a couple of extra minutes for blog browsing and clicked your link. But I am so glad that I did! My time-to-center is family scripture study at night. If we miss it too often, everyone seems to be OFF - crabbier, less kind, more harried. I appreciate your candid insight here.

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  3. THank you both so much, your too sweet, things are already going much better, i seem to be learning to be more of a Mary(sit a Jesus feet and listen) and less of a Martha(so busy doing i miss the big picture and Who is really important, sadly that's my natural way)

    ♥ Linnie Joy

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