As often as I tried I just couldn't get anything right, and everything was going wrong... I've been thrown off, my rhythm, non existent, as usual when everyone is transitioned mum has to transitions... i couldn't figure what was going on, why am I so off!???
Its been a rough week, more than once I felt like a failure, yelling, spastic, numb, not myself at all. I know this feeling , I know that it leads to. I fight a constant battle with depression, have for a long time, longer than most my age, and it may sound silly but, I see the warning signs now i know my triggers. I know that if I don't change things right now and keep going on this path I'll fall in and down, fast... i don't want this, so to prayer i go "God I'm exhausted feeling under appreciated and worn, fix this fix me, open my eyes to what needs to change" then I sit quietly and listen, it isn't a booming voice, its a whisper, a thought brought to my mind, a remembrance "when does it start to go bad?" "I was fine here and here, whats different now, the only big difference is..." Then as I thought my eyes opened,
I was getting up at 5, waking Jaime at 6 getting him dressed to bring Jake to work at 630, rushing about to get ready for the gym, being exhausted and frazzled by 11 when my not-napping-three-year-old needs a nap but wont take one and hasn't had a moment of peace.
We need our morning that's no way for Jaim and I to start our day, we were both so, well, off... we needed our slow morning waking up, having my quiet time for prayer and meditation and time to spent Alone with God, Bear wakes with a cuddle and a few Bible stories, watching the sun rise while our morning playlist peacefully sings us awake, having our tea, a slow breakfast! We needed our mornings back!!
We just needed our mornings back, to start our day in peace!
|When daddy is home he reads Jaim his Bible in the morning|